THE MINDFUL HOLIDAY

The holidays are the perfect time of year to practice and hone our mindfulness skills.

There are dozens of holidays throughout the world that are celebrated in November and December, so although my family celebrates Christmas in December, I know that some of you may be celebrating other holidays this time of year. One of the things that I hear so often is how much we tend to focus on all of the tasks to be done, that this time of year just flies by. We are so focused on buying presents, mailing out cards, preparing to host or attend holiday parties, and decorating our homes. There is an endless list of things to do. When we become so focused on the tasks, we can totally miss the experience. This episode is to serve as a reminder to slow down and be in the moment. I’m going to talk about 2 different ways we can really practice our mindfulness skills especially during this time of year.

The first mindfulness challenge I’m going to propose starts with the food. One of the best things about holiday time is all of the foods that we usually prepare just for this time of year. In my family we have these molasses Christmas candies that my great aunt used to make and the tradition has been passed down over the years. It's kind of a strange little candy that if you don't like molasses you would probably find it disgusting, but to me when I eat it, it reminds me of all of my Christmases in my childhood and it brings back memories of my family who are no longer here to celebrate with us.

It’s probably the same in other cultures, but in the Christmas culture, so to speak, there is a special emphasis on sweets and sugary foods. We have pumpkin pie and Christmas sugar cookies and candy canes and so much sweetness. And sugar is so addictive, the more you eat the more you want. When all of this sweetness is more readily available this time of year, it is easy to over indulge.

Mindful eating is one of the best ways to make sure that we are really truly enjoying our food and to reduce the risk of over eating or even binge eating. First, remember that when we are being mindful, we are really doing just one thing. If at all possible, try to reduce distractions when you are eating. It may be impossible at a party to do this but when you are home, turn off the tv, turn off and put away your phone and just try to eat and do nothing but eat. Start by looking at your food. Notice all of the colors, take a moment to really appreciate how certain foods might shine in the light. Notice if your plate has a variety of colors on it or it if its mostly white and plain.

Next, smell your food. Yes, other people might think it's odd but don’t worry about that. Smell the whole plate, put it up to your nose if you can. Take in a whiff and notice how your body responds. Are you salivating? Notice the tiny bit of pleasure that happens just when you smell your food. Notice if any anticipation is building as you smell it.

Next take one small bite and put down your utensil. Really taste the food. Chew it thoroughly. See if you can notice different herbs or spices or ingredients. Notice the texture if it is soft or chewy, moist or dry. Focus on the bite currently in your mouth. It is common for us to eat and always be so focused on the next bite that we fail to appreciate the bite that is currently in our mouth. Keep chewing until you are done and then, pick up the next bite.

Do your best to slow down and chew slower than normal. It takes a while for your stomach signals to catch up. As we eat our stomach sends out hormones to tell us when to stop eating because we are full. Unfortunately, there is a bit of delay in this chemical process so if we eat very quickly, we won't have enough time to really listen to our stomach. Notice how each bite might lead to just a little more fullness in your stomach.

Here notice that not only are we being mindful of our food and how it tastes, but we are being mindful of how our bodies are responding to the food. Take breaks to just sit and enjoy the process. When you notice that your stomach is starting to feel full, pause. This can be a tricky time for some of us because there might still be so much food on our plate. I am totally guilty of this- that my eyes are way bigger than my belly- and so no matter how hard I try I usually put more on my plate that I know I can eat.

Here’s some self-talk to keep in mind when this happens. IT IS OK TO WASTE FOOD. It is ok to throw it away. Yes I get it, many of you grew up with parents that told you all about the starving children in China or Ethiopia or wherever that would die for your uneaten food. Unfortunately, in this moment, there is no possible way to send your plate of uneaten food to any of those children, so you eating it, on their behalf, is not going to do a damn thing for them.

Remind yourself these were old unhelpful stories that no longer serve you. You absolutely can throw it away. If that feels like too big of a step for you, or if you are at home, put your food in a tupperware and tell yourself, “if I want to have this in 20 minutes or 45 minutes or in an hour, or any time at all, this food is here for me, I don’t have to eat it now.” Try to get the food out of site so that you don’t focus on it. Go about your life. If after a while you notice you are hungry again, by all means, have your food.

What I notice with working with patients who struggle with over eating or binge eating, is that there is so much anxiety around not eating the food in the moment, so what we are really trying to do is calm down our anxiety, reassure ourselves, and most importantly, give ourselves permission to eat whatever and whenever we want. The biggest predictor of over eating is when we tell ourselves we can’t or we shouldn't eat something. We all have our inner toddler who absolutely does not like being told what we can and cannot do. So when we tell ourselves we can’t, our 2 year old says, yeah right, I can do whatever the bleep i want. Be kind to your inner 2 year old. Remind him or her that she is totally in charge and absoslutely is allowed to eat it, but does she really need it “right now” when your stomach is already full. Wouldn’t it taste better and feel better to eat it when you are hungry?

The second area to practice mindfulness is when we are experiencing stress or anxiety about not being able to get everything done. One of the things I like to remind my patients is that there is a significant difference between worrying and planning. Worrying is when our minds are just spinning, like a hamster on a wheel, just going over and over what we have to do and what if we don't get it done. Its a kind of passive state of mind that is very unpleasant and totally in the future and imaginary.

Planning is when we sit down with pen and paper and write down all of the things we would like to accomplish and putting down an action plan for how and when we will do it. Planning serves a very important function in our lives. If we don’t plan for things properly, we will live a life with a lot of chaos and unnecessary drama. When you notice that your mind is spinning or you are worrying, see if you can mindfully turn your attention to planning instead. Don't just make a list of the to-do items, see if you can expand it to when you will do them.

A lot of times we are worrying unnecessarily because we have plenty of time to do the tasks but we can’t really see it, so putting it on paper helps your brain to recognize, yes I do have time and it will get done. Sometimes we are worrying because your inner wisdom is trying to tell you, honey, there is no way in hell you are gonna get all this done, what are you thinking? But we don’t take a moment to accept this and plan accordingly. We just worry instead.

Write down your list with your plan for when and how and ask yourself, is this realistic? Is this possible? If I try to stick to this plan, what am I going to miss out on? Is there anyone I can recruit to help? If you are a person with high needs for control, then this step will be essential but hard for you. Are your standards way too high? My perfectionsits, I am calling you out here. Instead of making your cake for the holiday work party, can you just pick up a cake at a local bakery that would be almost as good? Remind yourself of the good enough mantra.

Also remind yourself that nobody cares. Nobody is going to care or remember what kind of cake you bought, but if it saves you 4 hours of your day that you don’t really enjoy, then picking up a premade cake is definitely your best bet. After you have asked for help, reduced the perfectionism, let go of what isn’t necessary, again, ask yourself, is this how I want to be spending my time? Does this bring me joy? If the answer is no, you have more trimming to do. Ask for coaching from a trusted friend, there may be more ways to trim that you haven't thought of yet.

When your mind goes to automatic worry, our job is to now notice that we are going down that path of worry, and turn our mind towards “I have it all worked out” and being present. We cannot control what pops into our head, but we absolutely can control how hard we hold onto that thought and how we can shift our thoughts in to an entirely different path.

I want you to think about it like you are walking along pleasantly in the woods and you come to a sign that says, To the left is worry and what if thoughts, To the right is peace and feelings of being in control. Sometimes we accidently wander down the worry path and we don’t even know it until all of the sudden we are like, ooh, these trees are kind of scraggly and scary, how did I get here? We have to retrace our steps to the sign and go down the other path. That is a choice.

I hope these mindfulness tips have been helpful for you. Give them a try and remember mindfulness takes practice. If you do just one of the things mentioned, that is progress. None of us are perfectly mindful all the time, it isn’t possible, the goal here is just to add a tiny bit more each day to build that muscle over time.

Whatever you celebrate this time of year I wish you all the joy and happiness that you deserve.